You've Been NUZLOCKED!
by Undying Soul98
Summary: A boy travels with his ragtag group of Pokemon friends to try and complete the Nuzlocke Challenge at the behest of a pushy Professor and a pushier Narrator, while his 'Best Friends' accompany him and a hypocritical crime syndicate led by a far too savvy and sane man tries to kill him. There's gender bending, Shout Out's galore and other stuff, which may or may not suck. For him...
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

**AN- Well, I didn't originally intend to publish this, considering just how many other fics I'm working on (CURSE YOU HPTM FOR GIVING ME WRITERS BLOCK!). I've already done one Nuzlocke run of Emerald but with my lack lustre drawing skills I never bothered doing a comic or anything. Hell, I have a half finished Leaf Green run on the go. But on the spur of the moment I decided to replay Black as a Nuzlocke run and decided to write this so that I could expel any crack or plot bunnies that I wanted in an only semi-serious fic. So enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Pokemon, because if I did we'd have a post apocalyptic adventure starring Pikachu and Ash, which people would probably either love or hate. More than likely the latter.**

_This is the tale of a boy named Jim. It is a story told many times before, but it is still just as vital to be told now as it ever was, and _I _shall tell it. For it chronicles how he made many friends, fought for glory and for triumph, to see his challenge through to the very end... and of how he lost so much along this path. Yes, Jim is hardly alone in his quest to defeat that which is revered and despised alike, but his adventure is just as important as everyone else's, because _everyone _has a story to tell, and this is his. This is the tale of how Jim was Nuzlocked, and it all began with the morning after a wild party..._

Jim woke up with a terrible headache. He didn't know what he had done to deserve the brass orchestra marching through his weary head, but they were definitely marching. Now finding himself awake, Jim wondered two things: just where the hell was he, and what the hell had he smoked/drunk the night before to get him in such a state?

"Hello there, glad to meet you! Welcome to the world of Pokemon!" Declared an elderly voice. The darkness before Jim parted to reveal an old man with a lab coat on. "My name is Oak! People affectionately refer to me as the Pokemon professor!"

Jim blinked in confusion at Oak. He was _really _wondering what he had been smoking and/or drinking the previous night. "Seriously? I'm having a hallucination about Pokemon... cool." 

"Now tell me, are you a boy or are you a girl?" Asked Oak, clearly not paying any attention to the one he was lecturing to.

Jim took one look at himself. "Well what the hell do you think?"

"Are you a boy, or are you a girl?" He asked, still not heeding the boy's words.

"No, really. I'm stood _right _in front of you! How can you not see what my gender is?"

"Are you a-" 

"GGGAAARRGGHHH! Do I LOOK like a girl to you then?"

"So you're a girl?"

"What? NO! Of course I'm not!" Protested Jim.

"So you're a-"

"Yes! Now get on with it!" Jim knew what was coming. He had played Pokemon enough times to realise where the hallucination was taking him...

"So what is your na-" 

"ENOUGH already, old man!" With a dramatic kick to the face of a certain Professor, a third person entered the scene. "Seriously, time's a tickin'! I'm taking over!"

"Who are you again? Are you a boy or are you a girl?" Oak looked at his assailant curiously, and felt the need to specifically ask her gender.

"Get out of here already!" In the nonsensical way dreams often are, Oak disappeared, leaving Jim alone with the woman, who also wore a lab coat.

"So then..." Began Jim, looking at the woman. "Is this going to be one of _those _dreams then?"

"Of course not!" Retorted the woman Jim identified as Professor Juniper, the woman in charge of all major introductory exposition in the Unova region. "Look, do you _want _to have an adventure or not?" 

"Not really."

"Well tough luck, you're having one~" She answered in an overly cheerful way. "So asswipe, what's your name?"

"What's it to you?" Jim snapped.

"What. Is. Your. Name. Asswipe?" 

"You're the only ass here."

"Fine. I gave you a chance. I'm now calling you Asswipe." The tree named woman declared.

"Asswipe?" Asked Jim. "Asswipe? What sort of person names someone Asswipe?"

"You'd be surprised considering just how often old Oak is persuaded to call his grandson insulting names." She explained. "Anyhow, Asswipe, on with the show!"

"My name is not Asswipe." 

"Well tough shit punk! Anyway, we live in a world where people trap small, fluffy animals in small capsules and then force them to fight one another to the death. Using a Pokeball is simple! Its just like throwing a rock at someone!"

"OUCH!"

"See?" Answered Juniper after having lobbed a stone at Jim's face. "Really simple. Have another demonstration!"

"OUCH!"

"See? Its easy!"

"Stop throwing rocks at me! I get the picture!"

"Good! Anyhow, Pokemon and people and friends and ponies and stuff and bladhi-bladi-bla..." Juniper rounded off, having decided that her scripted lines were filled with too many friendship clichés.

"So can we get this dream over with?" Interjected Jim. "I have stuff to do."

"Fine with me!" Yelled Juniper once more, since she was seemingly written without the ability to speak in regular tones. "We all know how this goes, Asswipe! Pokemon adventure, stop the villainous Team, win the Elite Four, beat the Champion and bully your rival/friends, then steal their money, y'know, the usual."

"Yes?"

"So fancy going on an adventure?"

"Well why not." Decided Jim. "Mum will wake me up, so I might as well proceed with this dream."

"Sure!" Juniper leered down at the smaller boy. "Now, how about we make things interesting?"

"Interesting how?" Jim queried.

"Simple... LETS DO A NUZLOCKE RUN!" Insisted Juniper.

"Never heard of one." Jim vaguely thought it was to do with a comic or the internet or something, but he only played Pokemon as a hobby and because his mum was too scared of age ratings to buy him Call of Duty like all the other kids in his class got.

"Then listen up Asswipe, Nuzlcoke for Dummies 101 is now in session!" From the sky dropped a chalkboard. Flourishing a stick of chalk Juniper had pulled from her labcoat, she began to draw. "You have three rules! ONE! You may only capture the first Pokemon in any area that you visit!"

"What if you get a Bidoof or something? I HATE Bidoof's!"

"Then tough luck! Its yours!" And with that a cartoon Bidoof was upon the board, with a huge line pointing to a stick figure, with the annotation of 'ITS YOURS NOW!' "You knock your encounter out, tough! No second try, wait until the next route!"

"Go on." Urged Jim, getting curious.

"TWO! Nickname all captured Pokemon for _friendship _and other family friendly reasons!" The name 'Derek' appeared next to the Bidoof.

"Continue..." Seemed legit so far, Jim already named all of his team.

"And finally..." Stated Juniper in a shockingly dark declaration. "If a Pokemon faints, its dead. Gone. Shuffled out of this Mortal Coil. Burned out. No Revives, no second chance, no replays. Its forever Permaboxed, released, gone to the fluffy white Poke-House in the sky!" 

"I get it!" Said Jim. "Seems simple enough. Then again, why should I play with such risks?"

"For the thrill of the challenge. For the glory of victory. And for the friends you will make along the way, those that you didn't ask for but got anyway, those that are more precious to you knowing that you could loose them at any moment..."

Jim thought of the idea of just how difficult it would be to finish a Pokemon game, normally considered easy to most fans, when he couldn't accept a single loss and when his valued team could die in any battle at the hands of an unlucky critical hit.

"Why the hell would I do that? It seems remarkably masochistic."

"Because Wuss says what now?"

"Wha?"

"Exactly! You chicken? Fancy going Kentucky? Gonna back out now?" She taunted. "Come on~ I thought you were tough man? Thought you were up for anything? Well all I can see is a wuss, eh Asswipe?" 

"_Stop_ calling me that!" 

"So gonna wuss out? Its _only _a Nuzlocke after all..."

Well if that was the case, why did Jim have a sudden feeling of forebearing upon looking upon Juniper's curiously maleficent face? Then again, it was only a dream any way, and even if it wasn't, Jim _wasn't _going to let anyone just get away with calling him Asswipe! He'd finish this so-called Nuzlocke Challenge, just to wipe the smirk of the hallucinatory face in front of him.

"Fine! You're on!" Declared Jim, pointing his pointing finger in the exposition lady's face. "So Take That, because I'm gonna kick this things ass!"

"No turning back if you go through with this. You have to go through with it to the very bitter end."

Another ominous passage. "Yes." 

"Lovely!" Cackled the professor. "Lovely! I look forwards to seeing how this goes!" She took a deep breath, then declared far too loudly "YOUR CHALLENGE BEGINS NOW! LETS GO VISIT THE WORLD OF POKEMON... and the despair that you shall soon feel." She finished in an almost too quiet whisper for Jim to hear.

Hear he did though, and with that solemn declaration he whited out...

XXXXXXXXX

Jim woke up to realise that he was _not _in his own room, on his own bed. Instead he was stood in a bedroom he had never visited before, and there was a boy he didn't know prodding him in the face. "Earth to Joey! Are you in there?" The glasses wearing boy asked. "Come on! We're getting our Pokemon today?" 

"Hang on a second, where am I?" Began Jim in confusion. "Pokemon? So I'm still dreaming?"

"Now where the hell is Bianca?" Added the boy, still prodding Jim in the face.

"Seriously, you can stop poking me now." He didn't stop. "That was me asking you to _stop._"

He still didn't stop.

"WWAAARRGGHHHH!" Came a most definitely female voice from the stairway behind Jim. Somehow a girl had tripped up the stairs and was now sprawled on the floor. "Damn the floor, its like the ceiling... only upside down! And with more malice! And greater desire the conquer the world by tripping people up!"

Jim idly wondered what _she _was smoking, because whatever it was, it was probably better than what he used.

"Hey Bianca!" Declared the male with a tuff of hair which stood up from the rest which really irritated Jim.

"Heya Cheren!" Greeted Bianca, having gotten up after she stopped cursing the floor. "And look, its our _best friend_!" Jim suddenly felt a great chill, like he was in serious danger and should get the hell out of Dodge. "BEST FRIEND!" And with that cheer she leapt at Jim and wrapped him in a tight hug, probably breaking several bones in the process.

"_I think I blacked out for a moment." _Though Jim sadly as he was still being strangled. _"How could things get worse?"_

"Hey Asswipe? Asswipe? Asswipe? Asswipe?" Poked Cheren.

"_Apparently it can." _Jim sighed. _"I nearly forgot Juniper named me Asswipe. Well, this sucks. At least the air is leaving me so quickly my suffering shall soon be over..."_

Jim spoke to soon. Bianca released him from her tight embrace, allowing him to breathe in some sweet, sweet air. "HAH! PANT! You nearly killed me, woman!" 

"Tehe!" The absent minded girl... tehe-ed? Yes, well, Bianca tehe-ed? "I'm just showing you how BEST FRIEND we are for each other!"

"And out of curiosity, how would one go about stopping being best friends?"

"There is no escape." Informed Bianca with a smile. "Best friends... forever... ever... ever... ever... ever." Jim wasn't imagining it, the phrase was so terrifying that it was actually echoing around him.

"Indeed." Cheren told Jim, having joined Bianca in the chant, reiterating the message with a prod after every syllable. "Best. Friends. Forever. Ever. Ever. Ever. Ever. Ever. Ever."

Prod. Prod. Prod. Prod. Prod. Prod. Prod.

"I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANY MORE!" And Jim had only know the duo for less than a minute. It was really sad. Jim ran for the stairs, only for Cheren to intercept him.

"You can't leave, _best friend_. You must stay." 

"I want to go!"

"But Thou Must pick a Pokemon!" 

"Then if I go over to that package where the starters are stored, can I leave?"

"Hmmm..." Puzzled Bianca. "I guess. After you win the obligatory Rival battl-"

Jim had sprinted for the starters almost as soon as Bianca confirmed.

"_If it gets me away from those two, I don't really mind going on this Nuzlocke run thing, especially since this is all just a dream... regardless, those two are so scary that this is becoming a nightmare!"_

"Lets see," Began Jim upon opening the box, revealing the three spheres containing the Pokemon. "If I'm not mistaken, there's a pig, a snake and an otter thing. Well, I'm certain that either Snivy or Tepig would make a welcome addition to my team, so imagine if I went for Oshawott..." Jim realised his mistake almost instantly. "I said that out loud, didn't I?" 

"Yep!" Bianca happily dove past him and swiped the ball containing Tepig, while Cheren took Snivy with a cheerful 'yoink!'.

"I guess we'd better get this rival fight out the way." Grumbled Jim, looking distastefully at his chosen starter.

"Gooooo Tepig!" Cheerfully called out Bianca as she threw the Pokeball. From its depths leapt the small pig Pokemon.

"Well, come on out then." Jim threw his own ball, revealing the small water type inside.

"I wuv you mastwr." Beamed the otter to his trainer in a vaguely cute fashion.

"Meh." Jim was not impressed.

"Wuuuuvvvv youuu~"

As his Pokemon tried to hug his leg instead of trying to attack the other small creature he was up against, Jim wished that he had selected Tepig. Because Tepig was awesome.

"Not now!" Insisted the recently appointed trainer. "Quick, time for a very potent strategy... TACKLESPAM!"

"Tackle!" Responded Bianca.

After a few turns of the two Pokemon Tackling, Oshawott came out the victor. Somehow. Jim didn't know how, but he had. Maybe amongst all the posturing the otter had got a critical or something. Jim didn't really mind. He got some EXP and he was one fight away from escaping his 'best friends'.

"Come on out Snivy!" Declared Cheren, immediately deciding to take his potshot at the other starter. The grass snake Pokemon that Jim had initially wanted to use was brought onto the battlefield. Well, by 'battlefield' it was more accurate to call it a 'ruined bedroom', but it wasn't Jim's so he didn't care.

"Mwastr~" Pleaded Oshawott. "Can I 'ave a huuuuggg?"

"No." Deadpanned the boy. "Now fight your fellow starter!"

"Can we be fwends?" Asked Oshawott eagerly.

Snivy's response was to use Tackle. Repeatedly. Apparently Snivy wasn't very keen on the idea.

Another few turns later, Oshawott had again claimed victory. Jim really didn't care how how. He was too busy running down the stairs, hastily picked up Oshawott in tow.

"SEE YOU SOON, BEST FRIEND!"

"Hi sweetie!" The player's Mother character shouted out to the boy she had no problems going off alone and having adventures. "Bye sweetie! Have a nice time enslaving animals and picking fights with crime syndicates!"

"THANKS... I GUESS?"

Then Jim was out of the house and tasting the fresh smell of freedom, freedom and Nuvema Town. "I suppose that I need to go to the lab first or else Cheren will no doubt _magically _appear to stop me leaving the town."

"Mast'r~"

"Why am I talking to you anyway?" Remarked Jim, realising that he had been talking to the otter still in his arms.

"'Cause yoouuu wuuuvvvv meee?"

"No." 

The look on the Oshawott's face was reminiscent of a kicked puppy. A kicked _starving _puppy. Being kicked off a cliff. By Mother Teresa.

"Oh, hey Asswipe!" Greeted Juniper when Jim entered her lab.

"Shut up and give me the Pokedex before _they _catch up!" Insisted Jim.

"Nah, I might just give you ANOTHER friendship speech until they arrive! In fact, it might be for the best that you all travel... together... _together... together... together..._" Again he heard that weird echoing sound, and hoped desperately that it wasn't as ominous as it sounded to him.

"Juniper, I don't care what it takes, finish this quick!" 

"HEY! I wonder if we should head to the lab to get our Pokedex's!?" Came the distant voice of Bianca from outside.

"YES! Let us walk there... slowly... for dramatic purposes, obviously."

"You're no fun." Decided Juniper. "Fine. Nickname your Pokemon and you can be off." 

Jim pondered for a moment, then settled on "Simon."

"Meh. Sounds like a sissy name to me, but its up to you, Asswipe!"

"My name is NOT Asswi-"

"We're nearly at the lab! Lets slow down a bit more... for DRAMA!"

"And here's your Pokedex! Hell, take some Pokeballs too while you're at it. Now, off you go Asswipe, I'll hold those two back for a bit! So have an adventure!" Juniper's wide, mocking grin was unexpectedly gone, and for a few moments she was absolutely serious "And remember the rules... you wouldn't want to know what happens if you try and _break them_.", and then the moment was over and the grin was back.

"Yeah, I get it already! Name my Pokemon, catch only the first, they faint they die! I get it! Now come along Simon!"

"Yessir!~" Agreed the Oshawott cheerfully. "Advenchure Time!"

Jim swore as he left the lab and approached Route 1 to stop his Pokemon butchering the English language if it was the last thing he did.

Regardless, he had his first Pokemon, he had a goal (Run away from _them _and complete this challenge before he inevitably woke up from this strange but realistic dream) and he had the means. He _was _going to succeed, because if he was going to be called Asswipe by everyone he ever met, he was at least going to win so that he could rub it in their faces afterwards.

_And so Jim began his adventure, with Simon in tow and his 'best friends' following him shortly behind. What was going to happen next on his magnificent Nuzlocke adventure? Dunno. Jim'll probably catch a Pidove or something. Anyhow, stay tuned for the next chapter of You've Been NUZLOCKED!_

**AN- Well, that sort of wrote itself. Hope you enjoyed, feel free to leave some criticism or words of encouragement, since every review motivates me. So until next chapter, Undying Soul out.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

**AN- Second chapter now, not much to say.**

**Disclaimer: Nope. No ownership here.**

_Last time on You've Been NUZLOCKED, Jim started his journey with his starter Pokemon Simon and his two (Not) Best Friends. After gaining his Pokedex he set off for his next challenge... Route 1. _

"Route 1 eh? Not very impressive." Remarked Jim to his starter as they walked.

"Mastwr, I'm so happwy to be on an adwenture with yoouuu~" Jim desperately tried to ignore his Pokemon's voice. Perhaps once it might have been considered cute or endearing to hear Simon's garbled speech patterns, but after a while it began to grate on his nerves.

"To be honest, I really wish I'd picked another Pokemon."

"Aaawwwgghh~"

"But alas, I have you. So we shall make do with what we have." Yes, it seemed like a wise choice. It wasn't Simon's fault he was about as annoying as Navi. Instead he should help Simon get over his crippling overdose of kawaii~. He might not be _that _intimidating at the moment, but Jim was certain that he could Make a Man out of him, of given time. And not in that way. Pervs.

"Ohhhh! Look at the pwetty twwweeeesss!"

Correction, a lot of time. But that was what grinding was for.

"Simon, time for you to earn your keep." In the nearby grass that lined Route 1 there was a small dog, growling softly. It was a Lillipup, sorta' like the Rattatta of Unova but with a bit more popularity due to it not looking like a rat. "Come, Simon! Hit him with a Tackle!"

"But Mwwaaasttter!" Complained Simon.

"Look, you're not cute at all."

"Kyyuuuuu~" Simon gave his best 'kawaii' look. It wasn't very effective against Jim's glare.

"Now."

"Kwwwyyyuuuaaaaa~" Simon scrunched up his face, putting more effort into the kawaii expression. 

"Now." 

"Will it mwake you wuuvv me?" He asked.

"Don't get ahead of yourself." Brushed off Jim. "Evolve and we'll see what happens."

"MUUUUU~~~~!" Jim tackled the nearby Lilipup with all of his might, weakening the low levelled Pokemon greatly due to his own superior level rather than any actual skill.

"Heh. Ya think ya tough, huh? Well I'm not just A Lillipup, I am THE Lillipup!" Bragged the dog. "Yathink ya scare me? Patarat's run away with there tails 'tween their legs, an' I even took on a Pidove once, believe it! Ya think ya scare me, well ya don't 'Cause I've seen things! I've beaten 'em too!" He finished his boast with a growl, attempting to intimidate those that stood up against him, after all, he was the-

"Level 2 eh?" Muttered Jim after having thrown a Pokeball at the weakened critter. Capturing him easily. "This calls for Switch Training!"

"Hwow does that differ to nwormal twaining?" Asked Simon. "What's with the cwapitalisation?"

"Seriously Simon, now you're just putting w's into every word an hoping it makes you look cute! If you were a chick, maybe! But you're a guy! Man up!"

"Ohhh..." The Oshawott lowered its head meekly.

"Cheer up though!" Declared the trainer. "I'll stick Lilypup in for a battle, then you take over midway! Share the EXP and _everyone _wins!" Except for the wild Pokemon who was either unconscious, dead or otherwise, but who really cared about them? Not Jim. This was his dream, so they would have to fall for the Greater Cause of Level up's!

"If it mwakes you happy~" The otter agreed. "I'll fight then!"

"Excellent..." Jim rubbed his hands together maliciously. Yes, he would train the two of them up and nobody would ever laugh at him for choosing the otter again... admittedly nobody had laughed in the first place, but they called him Asswipe that time, which earned a beating the next time Jim and his rivals met anyway.

XXXXXXXXX

"Accumula Town? It ain't so special." Claimed the Lilypup that had been named, after much deliberation, the original name of Pup. "I've fought their Lilypup's. Ain't any good. I totally beat 'em all. Yep. Definitely."

"Mwaster~" Whispered Simon to his human companion. "Me's thinks he jwust fibbing~"

"We all know _that _much." 

"Don't dis the Pup. I'll eat y'all for dinner. Then spit yer out and have yer for breakfast too..." Jim didn't want to point out how Pup was only level 4 and that even then that was after training, so he wasn't really that strong, so his claims were probably false.

Then again, Pup would be on his team for the near future, so there wasn't any harm in keeping the weaker Pokemon's spirits up. "I'm sure you did, Pup. You got them good, didn't you?"

"Of course I did." Boasted Pup. "I'm THE Lilypup for Route 1. Don't even listen to that Level 3 Patrat we saw. He was talking out his ass. Damned Patrat's..."

"Muuuuu~" Interjected Simon. "I guess I'm THE Oshawwwot."

"No Simon, just no."

"Awwww..." Simon fell quiet. It didn't matter though. Soon enough he would show his mwaster how cool and cute he was by doing this battling thing he practised earlier. There would be no choice _but_ for mwaster to love him then!

"Heh, lookie over there." Pup pointed his head at a large crowd of people that had gathered around a smaller group of people.

"Oh, its just the regional Criminal Gang is all." Commented Jim as he and his two Pokemon got close enough to make out the armoured forms of the Team Plasma neatly lined up, their metal shining in the sun. The odd one out of the orderly underlings stepped forth, revealing the leader of the group. Tall and imposing, with the green hair typical for one whom lives in the Pokeverse and was wearing what vaguely looked like, to Jim, a Scouter from Dragonball Z. From Jim's prior knowledge he knew who it was: Ghetis, the Man behind the King, the puppetmaster who serves as one of the primary antagonists.

To be honest, Jim actually kind of liked the villain. Not in the 'I would like to be friends' kind if way, but in the 'damn I like that asshole' sort of way. He was a competent antagonist and Jim thought that it was nice to see a group get an actual motivation, albeit a hypocritical one, rather than something stupid like 'expand the sea, nothing could go wrong! Who needs land anyway?' or 'Time to godmod the universe by controlling Space and/or Time, because why not?'.

So yes, Jim liked him as a bad guy, but could see why people thought he was a dick. The guy betrayed the cause he had been apparently fighting for, using it as a front for generally selfish reasons.

"Attention everyone!" Declared Ghetis. "I am Ghetis, and I speak on behalf of Team Plasma. I wish to discuss a few matters with you. Firstly, are you all stupid? Seriously? What is up with our society? We trap living beings in small spheres and make them fight each other to the death for fun, then claim that we're all hunky-dory-best-friends-for-ever? That is cruel and stupid. How would you like it if you were in the Pokemon's position, forced to fight for the right to exist and trapped inside the cyberspace of the PC box when you were no longer wanted?"

"It'd be pretty fun actually!" Shouted one random member of the crowd. "If I was like a Pokemon, I could use Hyperbeam!"

"Yep."

"Yeah." 

"Sounds cool."

"Is the PC more like the Matrix or Tron?" Asked one confused woman.

"Nu uh! I bet the PC is hell, because says that the PC is where all 'bad' Pokemon go?"

Ghetis sighed and applied a palm to his face. "I don't know what I was expecting, really, from the people that that consider three houses a town. I really don't." He threw his hands up in the air in frustration. "Screw it! Plan D. D for Destruction. I _tried _the peaceful civil method, hoping for results-"

"Why can't I use Hyperbeam! Go me, Hyperbeam!"

"but I tried to use it on idiots like you." Concluded the leader. "So screw it. I'm off to go take over the Pokemon League, and possibly the World depending on how I feel afterwards, using child labour, my incompetent minions who can't seem to catch or train their Pokemon correctly, and a Dragon or something. Any children in the crowd who want to try and take down a crime syndica-I mean, a '_liberation army_', then please don't. This planet is stupid enough without relying on kids to save the day. Goodbye."

With a bow and a flourish, Ghetis gestured for his army of grunts to surround him. He marched proudly away, ignoring the conversation he had sparked upon leaving and the quickly diffusing crowd.

"What do you mean humans can't learn Hyperbeam?"

"Look, if the PC was like the Matrix, then wouldn't _we _be in there living a dream land instead of the Pokemon?"

"What if we already are and this is just a computer simulation, like a video game or something?"

"Don't be ridiculous! How silly would _that _be!"

Jim smiled. "So that's Ghetis. He seems a bit different in person."

"Heh, not so tough. I coulda taken him." Insisted Pup. "One Tackle and I _swear _that his team'd be sprintin' for the hills." 

"Well maybe one day you'll get the chance to fight him." Speculated Jim, already knowing the end result of the journey he was travelling.

"Hello." Greeted a polite voice. Jim turned round to see who had greeted him. It was a green haired girl, with a large smile on her face and a cap on her head. To Jim she looked familiar, but couldn't place her identity. "My name is N. Nice to meet you." Greeted the girl. 

"Wait a minute... what?" Jim was confused. Wasn't N the additional rival character in the Unova region? Wasn't N a total follower of Beastiality- correction- _Poke_ality? And most importantly of all, wasn't N supposed to be a _guy?_

"Can you hear them?" She asked, leaning into the new trainer to speak into his ear. "Their voices?"

"Seriously, what the hell is this?" Jim countered. Why was N a girl all of a sudden? It didn't actually make any sense! The Nuzlocke thing he could deal with, but wasn't this dream supposed to follow the games? What was the actual purpose of such an odd divergence as a genderbent character?

Then again, considering this was a dream and all in Jim's opinion, perhaps she was there purely for Fanservice? He was a dude after all.

"So?" N pressed. "Do you hear them?"

"Who?" Responded Jim, deciding to deal with the consequences of a genderbent character another day. "The Pokemon? Of course I can! All the Pokemon here talk, stupid."

"Oh, really? I see." N nodded her head. "So you can hear their voices, but you won't set them free?"

"Meh. Hey fella's, you want to be free?" He asked his two Pokemon.

"No Mwaster! I'd neeeevvveeerr leave you, 'cos I wuv you~" Declared Simon solemnly.

"Why'd I wanna go anyway?" Added Pup. "I go where I want, and I like it here."

"Can't you hear their suffering? Their pleading to be released!?" N bellowed dramatically, taking off her cap and allowing her long hair to blow in the non-existent breeze, just to reiterate her point. Jim noted that at least N's long hair actually made sense now that she was a girl. He was surprisingly at peace with this change now. "Clearly those were the words of Pokemon wishing to be free!" 

"Didn't yer here a worda what I said?" Responded Pup.

"Oh! So many unhappy Pokemon!"

"Look, are you going to challenge me to a battle or not?" Prompted Jim. "I haven't got all day, I'm going to wake up any moment now, and I know how you types are."

"You want to fight my friends?" Clarified N. "Of course, I'll show you the error of your way! Once I beat you, you'll be so inspired that you release your poor, poor Pokemon!"

"Is this chick fer real?"

"Go, my beautiful Purrloin!" From N's sole Pokeball a small purple cat materialised, yawning a little as it did so and meowing.

"I'll settle this one." Decided Pup. "I'll earn my keep, show yer just why I'm THE Lilypup of Route 1! Besides which, its a cat. Natural enemy and all that. Have ter fit in with the stereotype an' all that."

"If you want." Jim shrugged, not really caring so long as EXP was collected. "Use a Leer to lower defence!"

"GRRRRRGGHH..."

"Hmmm!" The Purrloin seemed pretty unimpressed.

"Now, use Scratch!"

The cat pokemon lunged forwards suddenly, its previous lazy front gone and replaced by feline aggression. Sharp paws lunged for its target, whom was unable to fully dodge and took a hit to its side.

"Quick, Tackle it!"

"GGRRRRRR!" Pup shot forwards and lunged, sprawling into the nimble form of N's Pokemon and throwing her back against the nearby bench.

"Follow through with another!" Pup complied and impacted with Purrloin once more before she had the chance to flee. "And another!" The final one was the last nail in the coffin, knocking out the Purrloin for good.

"No! You hurt my friend!" Sobbed N. Jim actually felt a little guilty considering he'd made a chick cry and all. He consoled himself that the enemy wasn't dead, and that she _was _still the enemy, even with a different gender.

"Yeah, well you sent your friend to fight other small creatures, so you were kind of asking for this to happen, you hypocrite." Defended Jim, deciding this was as good as an excuse as any to make himself feel better.

The girl suddenly stopped crying, rising to her feet once more. "Hey, since you knocked out my friend, does that mean you'll be my friend?" 

"What? No! You just tried to force me to release all my Pokemon for one thing!" The boy reminded. "For another, I'm pretty sure you don't make friends with people after they beat up your friends!"

"That's what all my manga says though..." she pouted.

"_Great." _Thought Jim sourly. _"A villainess with a fixation for shonen style, Nanoha-eque 'befriending' techniques..."_

"So I've decided that you'll be my new best friend." Decided N matter of factly.

"Since when did I agree to that?" 

"Yeah! I should be Mwaster's best fwend!" Insisted Simon.

"Anyway, I'm gonna go off and catch some different friends, but then I'll be back to show you the error of your ways, best friend! Bye bye!" N returned Purrloin to her ball and left quickly, following in the direction that Ghetis had left.

Jim felt that the world was suddenly less confusing.

"Hhhhee... told ya I could do it." Stated Pup. "I wasn't just talkin' big, I did it too! Ya see that, I kicked that kitten's ass!"

"That you did. Well done." Jim praised his first catch.

"Do I get pwaise too, Mwaster?"

"No."

"Awww..." Soon though, soon. Simon would show his mastwer just why he should love him!

_Later on..._

After a quick stop in the Pokecenter (Any ideas why everything in the world had to include the word Poke in it? Pokemon, Pokeball, Pokemart, Poke Center?) to heal up his team and to purchase some potions for his team, Jim found himself continuing to travel, hoping to make a bit more progress.

So Jim, Simon and Pup continued past Accumula Town and onto Route 2, where Jim had his first few Pokemon Battles, considering how Route 1 was vacant of any other trainers to fight.

Pup and Simon breezed through the enemy though, taking them out quickly as they shared out the fights that they took part in. During the battles both Pokemon learnt a move each: Pup gaining Bite while Simon figured out how to spit out Water Gun's. Jim was rather pleased and actually gave Simon a bit of praise, since he now had a move to take out his rivals Tepig when they next meet. Only a bit mind you, Jim had his image to keep up.

"So why ya havin' this adventure anyway?" Asked Pup as they walked.

"Well, I'm taking part in a challenge called the Nuzlocke Run, so I can only catch the first Pokemon I see in any area."

"Like that Patrat over there?" Pup pointed out.

"Exactly. Got Bite him would you?"

"Course I can, I'm THE Lillyp-"

"We know."

"GRRGGGHHH!"

"Yaaaa!"

One minor savaging and a Pokeball later, the trainer found himself with his third Pokemon, Ron the Patrat, who's naming may or may not have been related to a certain book series and a character owning a rat, as well as the fact that he looked like one.

"With three Pokemon now, I think I'm ready!" Said Jim. "A bit longer now, then there will be the next city, which should have the first gym. So let's pick up the pace before-"

"HEYYYYAAAAA!" Came an enthusiastic voice.

"Wh-what was that?" Requested Ron meekly.

"Ignore it." Insisted Jim. "Now, how about a run..."

"AAAASSSSSSWWWIIIIIPPPPPEEEEE!"

"Ah think she's talkin' ta you, Asswipe."

"Damn it Pup, my name is NOT Asswi-"

"BEESSSTT FRRIIIEEENNDDD!" Bianca enacted the Legendary Flying-Tackle-Glomp upon the poor form of a reluctant trainer, then she turned her Glomp into a rib cracking hug. Jim wasn't very happy.

"Qu-quick! Gah! Pup, Bite her! Biter her! Bite her!"

"I dunno." Debated Pup. "Ah ain't really supposed to attack 'uman's."

"F-FINE! Ron, Tackle her before I lose something important!"

"B-but, its so sudden..." 

Desperate times called for desperate measures... "SIMON! Save me!"

"Now, now~" Chided Bianca softly. "You don't need saving, because all I'm doing is Best-Befriending you!"

"How does that-YARRGGH- logically work?" Asked Jim while he endured the terrific damage applied to his chest.

"If you get Pokemon friends by beating them up and forcing them to join you, then obviously to show your _Best _Human Friend, you should break some bones~"

"YOU'RE A PSYCOPATH! Quick, Simon, save me!"

Simon, sensing an opportunity, took advantage of it. "Tell me you wuv me."

"WHAT!?" 

"Tell me you wuuuvvv me~" Repeated Simon with a pout.

Now Jim was truly between a rock and a hard place. Either he get crushed to death by his 'Best Friend' or he had to endorse his Starter's overly kawaii manner. He didn't know which was worse, dying now or having to listen to all those w's over the course of his journey to beat all the Gym Leaders.

No, he needed a third option...

"Battle..." Croaked Jim.

"Pardon?"

"Battle... Pokemon... challenge you." Finished Jim on the verge of unconsciousness.

"OH! You wanted a Pokemon battle with me!" Bianca threw the asphyxiated boy to one side and reached for one of her balls... Pokeballs, for those who truly needed clarification. "Why didn't you say so? Silly little Asswipe!"

"My name _isn't _Asswi-"

Jim was interrupted as usual by the sound of Bianca calling out her first Pokemon. "Goooooo, Lilypup!"

From the floor, Jim decided to get the battle over with quickly and asked Ron to take the fight as the most inexperience member, so he could get some much needed battle experience.

"Leer!" Declared Bianca with a shout as her critter followed her command, while Jim went in for the kill to try and take her out before his own Pokemon lost too much health.

"BITE!" Ron might have seemed a bit meek, but once the battle started he was surprisingly brave, since he dashed towards the barking dog and bit down hard and without hesitation, eliciting a bark of pain.

"Tackle!" Exclaimed the energetic terror- correction- girl. Lilypup tore itself from Ron's vice like grip and threw itself at the Patrat almost as soon as it was able.

"Give it your own Tackle!" Urged Jim, who now had enough confidence in his condition to raise himself to a kneeling position while Simon fretted over his Mastwer's condition. He was primarily ignored.

Ron complied with the command and put his all into hitting Lilypup, which he succeeded in doing. The chipmunk looking creature then finished off his enemy upon hearing his trainer's final command, "Bite!"

By the time Ron was done, Lilypup wasn't going to be fighting any time soon.

"I-I did it?" Ron said, almost perplexed at how he had won. "I r-really did it?" 

"Yes Ron, you did it!" Cheered Jim (Who was now on his feet and shuffling away from the still preoccupied Bianca) with a fistbump. "One more then I'm free!"

"Goooooo Tepig!"

"Simon, Water Gun now!"

It was over so quickly that the clash was almost not worth writing a sentence about.

"Aaaaahhh!" Sighed Bianca. "My Pokemon lost. Oh well, by losing I know the best way not to do something, therefore_ next time _I can win! Then I'll give everyone Victory Hug's!" 

The soaked Tepig began to crawl away from his trainer, clearly liking the sound of Victory Hugs as much as Jim did.

"So now that you've lost, you have to leave me alone!" Declared Jim. "Its in the rules and _everything_. You lose, then come back again later with a better team, rinse and repeat!" 

"I don't know. Books lie because they're flat and silly and can't talk, or hug anyone, so I don't read them. And rules are normally in books, so I don't like them! So why shouldn't I just travel with you instead of doing something silly like running off by myself so I have to find you all over again later?" 

"Because its the rules and you know the meaning of Private Space?"

"Naah!" Bianca smiled a terrible smile. "I think I'll follow you around... around... around... around..."

"_This time around I know I'm not imagining it! There was DEFINITELY and echo!"_

"So because we're Best Friends, lets travel together forever... ever... ev-" 

"I'm not even letting it echo this time!" Shouted the frustrated boy. He needed a way to get rid of her soon or else he really would go crazy, or would at least lose the ability to walk without assistance if she decided to give him one more of her hugs.

"_I've got it!" _A sly grin came to Jim's face.

"What is it Asswipe?"

"My name is NOT Ass-" Jim stopped himself. He knew it wasn't worth it. It wasn't worth it. It wasn't worth it. He told himself that again and again. Not worth it. Eyes on the prize, get the harpy away from him _then _complain about his incorrect and offensive name. "You know Bianca, since we're 'BEST FRIENDS' and all, maybe we should do something to show our... 'Best Friends'-ness."

"I LOVE showing my Best Friend-ness! Shall I hug you!?" Squealed Bianca.

"NO!"

"Tell me more!"

"Lets get each other a present," Decided Jim. "for each other. BUT! We can't let each other know what we're buying!" 

"Aaahh! But then I'm going to have to go off alone..." Sulked the girl.

"What a shame." He lied. "You know what? After such a youthful match, I am eagerly anticipating purchasing that present, so I'm going to head to the next city while _you go back to the last one so there isn't a chance of us meeting, _so I can get you your present." Finished Jim pleasantly. "So bye!" And with that Jim began to run once more, his Pokemon accompanying him, while Bianca waved.

"SURE THING... BEST FRIEND!"

"Run and don't look back... she might change her mind." Was the only instruction to give.

"W-well no wonder you weren't anxious to see her." Remarked Ron. "Are you going to buy that present for her then?" 

"Me? Hahahahaha!" Jim burst into hysterical laughter at the very thought. "Of course not! I'm getting the gym badge and ditching town as soon as possible, in the hope that she doesn't catch up to me!"

"I don't bwame you~" Agreed Simon. "Not at all..."

_And so once more our hero has triumphed, but many questions remain unanswered. Will Jim ever accept he inevitable of his 'Best Friends', or will he escape from the terrible fate? Will he claim the Trio Badge from Straiton City? Will he purchase that present? Will Simon ever get the acknowledgement he desires? Or will anyone actually review this story? Find out these answers (Possibly) and more, on the next episode of You've Been NUZLOCKED!_

**AN- Oddly, I don't have anything to say really. Normally my Author Notes are filled with my ramblings, but not today. Brief point out towards Simon, since I though it would be funny to make him overly cute in a nauseating way, sort of as a shout out to that one annoying Piplup in the anime that they forced down out throats, like they were saying 'here's the cute mascot for the generation, so you're gonna damn well awww over it!'. And yes, I'm playing up Bianca' friendship stuff. Get over it. And Pup's a braggart.**

**Now, review and stuff, expect the next chapter soon! Undying Soul out!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

**AN- Meh. Nothing to say really. Sixth Form is keeping me busy, but I had some free time and I really want to continue playing, but I can't let my documentation of my challenge fall behind, so here this is.**

**Disclaimer: Pokemon is the currency machine of Nintendo, Game Freak and (Insert Others Here). Not mine. Alas, no Scrooge McDuck escapades of jumping into a swimming pool filled with gold...**

_Last time on You've Been NULOCKED, our hero and his Pokemon encountered the enigmatic Team Plasma and their oddly dressed leader, Ghetis. What is his mysterious agenda, and why should we care? Then our hero battled an odd green haired girl and his 'friend' Bianca, winning over both of them! But how long will this good luck last? Find out as he trains in the areas surrounding Striaton City to prepare for his Gym Battle! _

"Monkeys!" Shouted the energetic man in a suit as he brandished one of the creatures like a lucky charm. "Get your monkeys here!" He took a deep breath and smiled at Jim, whom he was trying to haggle with. "Hey, you there! Do you want a monkey-thing? Well, due to coincidence and totally _not _suspicious events, I have been left with a warehouse full of monkeys, and I'm bringing the savings... _directly to you!_"

"What if I don't want a monkey?" Responded Jim. "I only came to the Dreamyard to suck up some EXP before the Gym battle. I can't train four critters at a time..."

"Well, then I'd tell you to shut up and take a monkey!" The man who personified every dodgy salesman cliché in the book told him. "You may not _know it_, but you _want _this monkey!" 

"No I don't."

"Look, I've got red ones, blue ones, green ones, but no purple ones, yellow ones or otherwise, because inbreeding is _bad_." The salesman gestured to the trolley behind him which had a literal pile of the Pokemon in question atop it. One of the monkeys farted. "Hell, you can buy one and get one free! Buy two, get the entire trolley! Want to re-enact Planet of the Apes? Take this offer now and you have the forces necessary to begin world domination _right this second!_"

Another monkey farted.

"Need a TM slave? These guy's'll do the trick! Want some cannon fodder for when you're healing someone else? Call one the monkeys!" 

Fart.

"Not interested." Replied Jim. "Come along gang!"

"WAIT!" The man looked desperate. "Take one! The Gym Leader's got one of these bad boys, so get one of these fellows to counter it!"

An additional monkey farted. Jim wasn't seeing a very compelling argument.

"Its free!" He insisted, picking up one of the red monkey's from the trolley. "Just _please _take one of them! Do you know what it smells like when you have two hundred monkeys crapping and interacting with one another in a small, tightly enclosed warehouse? Like crap, I tell you, because it IS crap, mostly! My wife will kill me if I don't get some of these illegally stolen-_correction_- most certainly _legally obtained_ monkeys, shipped off!"

"Well," Jim deliberated. "If its free, might as well."

DUN DUN DUN... DUUNNN! A triumphant sound effect played as the man threw the red one at Jim's face and ran away screaming something about 'no takesy-backsies!'. YOU GOT A... Pansear?!

"Wrong game." Muttered Jim as he looked down at his newest Pokemon. "Well Roy, you'd better not suck, or you're getting thrown into the PC as soon as I can get away with it."

Roy farted innocently, looking up at his owner expectantly. Jim didn't let its gormless demeanour fool him; Roy smelled like something had died, thrown itself into sewage, then not allowed itself to stay there and fester in the sickness.

"Back to the gym!"

_A small trip to the Pokemon Centre later..._

"Okay guys, this is it!" Began Jim in front of the mentioned gym, as he attempted to motivate his team. "The first major challenge, the first gym! Now remember guys, if you loose, you'll be dead to me, because unfortunately you'd be y'know, dead. So my advice is don't loose!"

"Heh." Snorted Pup. "Like ya need to tell me twice. Who'dya think ya talking to? I'm-" 

"T-THE Lilypup of Route 1?" Finished Ron timidly.

"Well, yeah." Pup nodded his head in agreement "Let me at 'em."

"Yes, so lets do this! Go team go!" And with that Jim tried to dramatically walk into the gym, only for someone to expectantly interrupt him.

"Hey _best friend_!" Smiled Cheren as he barged into his 'friend'. "Where do you think you're going?" 

"The gym." 

"Not before fighting me you ain't! I waited enough time in that damned school for you to find and challenge me, so I decided to come to you!"

"Oh joy." Jim rolled his eyes.

"Go, my Pokemon!"

The fight was over so quickly it wasn't worth writing a paragraph. Oshawott sweeped them almost easily.

"Sowwwyyy~"

"See ya later, Cheren!" Jim let out a laugh. "I've always wanted to say this, so smell ya later!" 

"What sort of a line is that?" Asked Cheren in bemused confusion.

"Pardon?" 

"I said what sort of a line is 'smell you later'? Sounds pretty silly really."

"..."

"..."

"Shut up Cheren, because Gary friggin' Oak says so."

And then Jim had left before another comeback could be made.

The inside of the gym was more impressive than the outside, and was decorated in the style of a restaurant. Jim didn't ask why, perhaps the leaders had a maid fetish? Like much that Jim had seen since his dream began, it wouldn't surprise him.

"Hey there champ!" Greeted an unassuming man at the door. "Wanna be a champion?"

"Not interested in your dialogue." The trainer denied. "I'm off to battle the leader!"

_Several battles with some maids and butlers (Which coincidentally proved Jim's theory about the leaders having a fetish when one of the lesser dressed ones came onto him. One of the butlers, that is, which was rather awkward...) and a trip to a Pokemon Center later..._

"Come on out, leader, because I'm ready for you! Face me like a man!" He bellowed loudly, eager for his first badge.

"No need to shout..." Grumbled a well dressed butler with blue hair, whom was accompanied by two other butlers, one with red hair and the other with green.

"There's three of you?"

"Yes. You see, this gym tests your strategy and stuff, so we'll be fighting you depending on which starter you picked."

"So what? I face whomever is super effective to myself? Isn't that a bit unfair?"

"So?" Asked the Green one. "Screw the rules! I have green hair!"

"And I have red!" 

"I have blue! Can I screw the rules too?"

"Yes, dear, you can screw the rules too. We all can!"

"Yay!"

Jim's eyebrow twitched. These people were like the rivals from earlier games, who performed one of the biggest dick moves in gaming: always picking what was strong against you. They didn't even have the decency to be a single person who changed his Pokemon; no, they just _had _to have a leader for each type _just in case instead of just having three _teams, like the trolls that they were. _"What ass holes."_ Decided Jim.

"So what is the name of our challenger?" Asked Greenie.

"Its Ji-"

"ASSWIPE!" Shouted Cheren from outside the gym.

"Oh, well pleased to meet you, Asswipe." Greeted the green one. "My name is Cilan, and since you picked a water starter, I will be your opponent." 

"Do I even need to explain that my name isn't Asswipe...?" The new trainer despaired, an aura of darkness surrounding his kneeling form. "Will I be subjected to this running gag for an eternity?"

"P-probably yes." Informed Ron.

"Anyhow, send out your first Pokemon."

"Sure, head on out Roy!" Shouted Jim. "Since he's using grass types to counter my starting choice, your fire type powers will of much use!"

Fart.

Cilan smiled as his fellow leaders faded away and he took to the field. "Gooooo-"

"Yyeesssss!" Jim was pumped. What Pokemon was he going to encounter, since he could not remember due to not playing gen 5 in years?

"-oooooo Lilypup!"

Jim felt phenomenally cheated.

"Simon, take over and kick that things ass, ya hear?"

"For Mwaster's wuuuvvv~" and with tat unusual battle cry, Simon rapidly spat out water projectiles and nailed the opposing Lilypup a few times in the face. All the Work Up's that it was doing didn't seem to be helping itself in the slightest when it was finished off by a quick tackle.

"_Now _will you get serious?" Insisted Jim.

"Very well then." Conceded Cilan. "Gooooooo-" 

"Yeessssss!" 

"-ooooo Pansage!" A green monkey nearly identical to the one Jim had obtained in the Dreamyard appeared from its Pokeball. Jim honestly wasn't surprised anymore that he had been disappointed for a second time, since he had sort of been expecting to fight one of these after his run in with that salesman in the Dreamyard. He'd hoped he wasn't the actual boss though...

"Roy, Incinerate its ass." Jim ordered. Pansage put up a struggle and used one or two Work Up infused Vine Whips, but the grass moves were useless and unable to damage the Pansear too badly, so after spraying a Potion, Roy successfully overpowered his superior enemy by spamming his only fire attack, Incinerate, which was surprisingly not actually a very powerful technique like the name would suggest.

"I suppose you could say," Jim wished he could put on some glasses but the ability to customise looks wasn't added until gen 6, so resigned himself to smirking smugly. "that you just got _burned._" and then he did as any good Pokemon trainer would do: took the gym leaders money, swiped a TM and obtained the badge. The boy left the gym somewhat richer and with the ability to teach his Pokemon Work Up, which he did for Pup, Ron and Roy.

"S-So what now boss?" Inquired Ron.

"Now we go back to the Dreamyard." Informed the trainer. "We picked up the HM Cut earlier, so now I just need to delegate the crappy move to someone." There was silence. "Come on! Any volunteers? _Someone's _got to take the hit for the team!"

"I s-suppose I could learn it." Decided Ron, stepping forwards. "I have the lowest level, so I am the w-weakest..."

"Well thanks Ron." Jim patted him on the head. "Every time I have to cut down some foilage, I'll think of you..."

XXXXXXXXXX

"Prepare for trouble!" Declared the first female Plasma grunt at the Dreamyard as music orchestrated from a mobile cd player.

"And look at my stubble!" Insisted the second Grunt, who was stroking his ginger chin hair wildly.

"To liberate all Pokemon from within this region!" The music continued to play, even as the duo began to pose dramatically.

"It totally isn't creepy how us grunts all look legion!" Another pose.

"To show Pokemon trainers the errors of their stupidity!" Simon began to clap along in amusement.

"The fact that we too train 'em, might just be hypocrisy!" The male Grunt almost looked a little proud of this fact, although he probably shouldn't have.

"Grunt A!" The woman shrieked,not realising that the Munna they had came to collect Dream Mist from had shrugged its pink body and trotted off.

"Grunt B!" The man had propped up a backdrop for the two of them which had the Team Plasma logo emblazoned upon it, alongside what looked like shoddily painted on explosions.

"Team Plasma, stealing small children's pets since two thousand and eleven!"

"Give up now, or we'll kick your asses until you're sent back to Devon!" The backdrop had nearly fallen over, only staying up due to Grunt One's efforts.

"Purrloin! That's right!" The other grunt picked up the cat Pokemon as he said this, since unfortunately his cat Pokemon was kinda lazy and not in the mood to say anything.

"You guys are rip offs." Decided Jim. "Pup, you have my permission to kick their asses." 

"Hell yeah!" Pup growled aggressively. "I'll show that damned cat!" Several tackles and a bite later, the enemies Patrat and Purrloin was down for the count.

"Nice work." 

"Meh, what'd ya expect from yer first captured Pokemon?" Pup gave a confident grin. "Few more levels now... then I'll be THE Herddier of Route One!"

"I'm sure you will." The boy scratched his Pokemon's doggish head. "I'm sure you will."

"Will Mwaster scwatch me~?" Inquired Simon as cutely as possible.

"No. Now beat up some more Pokemon and we'll see."

"Okay..." Finished Simon, somewhat unsatisfied.

"Hey!" Grunted Grunt One angrily.

"Aren't you forgetting something!?" 

"Not really." Admitted Jim. "You ain't worth the effort." He turned away from the Dreamyard and casually walked off, really wishing he had sunglasses.

_And so once again our hero is triumphant! But this is a Nuzlocke run, is it not? Will this winning streak continue? Will this story gain an overarching story plot? Will Simon ever man up? Will those two grunts become recurring characters? Will we ever find out just what was going on when _someone _thought it was a good idea to genderbend main characters on a whim? Or will Jim just go out and buy some sunglasses instead? Who knows? Tune in next time, for the next chapter of You've Been NUZLOCKED!_

**AN- I've been wanting to do that Team Rocket song for a while. So, like the chapter? Enjoy my writing style? Is this actually amusing or not? Let me know in the reviews section, and feel free to drop any requests for gags or future characterisation on major characters. I can't say that you're requests will be carried out, but I can at least listen and incorporate any ideas that I like. Undying Soul out.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

**AN- Meh. Here's the next chapter. Enjoy and stuff.**

**Disclaimer: No ownership here. At all. Its pretty damn unsatisfying.**

_Last time on You've Been NUZLOCKED, Jim gained his first Gym Badge and received an extra addition to his party, a monkey. How will this new member of the group adapt and grow as a character, and what other new friends will Jim make now that he has got past that annoying old man who was blocking off the way to Route 3? find out now, as the adventure continues!_

"Look, guys! Ahead!" Jim pointed out two buildings in the distance. His Pokemon trotted alongside him, feeling content. They had the first badge in their possession and they all felt invincible. Even the dim witted, non vocal Roy was pleased, although you could only tell this by the frequency with which he broke wind. The group had grown used to making sure to stay at least two meters away from the fire monkey.

"W-what is it?" Asked Ron.

"I think I know those buildings." Commented Jim. "If I'm not mistaken, the one on the right is the Pokemon daycare centre. You leave someone there and if you come back later they'll be stronger, so its an easy way to power up your 'Mons."

"You aren't gonna abwandon us there, are you~" Simon gave his trainer his best puppy dog expression. Pup gave an actual puppy dog look, so Jim was more impressed with the latter.

"No." Jim shook his head. "Its not abandoning, since I'll be back for you later. Its a help tool."

"So you ARE leaving one of us there!" Pup accused.

"Hey Pup, a Purrloin!" Jim pointed behind the excitable mutt.

"What! Where!?" he began to run around in a circle, looking for the mysterious invisible cat.

"Guys, I've heard that the next gym is harder. If I leave someone there, then the EXP on the road can be shared out more equally. You won't be left behind, your training will just be slow but active, while the others will be quick but infrequent." Informed the trainer. He didn't want any of the group to feel bad if he left them there, its just that training more than three Pokemon to a higher than average level was difficult. Normally Jim wouldn't mind being underlevelled, but this was a Nuzlocke Run. He could take no chances...

"I v-volunteer as tribute!" Ron shouted. "Actually, no idea why I said that." He admitted. "S-seemed like a g-good idea at the time. But yeah, I'll take the hit."

"Thanks again, Ron." Jim gave another smile. First he took the hit for the Cut HM, and now this. Ron was a real damned team player.

_After leaving the Patrat in the Daycare..._

"We're in a pwayschool, aren't we?~" Asked Simon. "I wuuuvvv pwayschools~"

"Shoulda known..." Grumbled Pup.

"They wuuvvvv to hug and cwuddle me, not like mwaster..." Simon wasn't even hiding his sourness.

"Look, we're MEN!" Insisted Jim. "We're MANLY! No hugs and stuff... we give each other fist bumps and the occasional Bro Hug in _very _rare situations!"

"Oh..." Again, Simon fwowned... Sorry, I mean Simon _frowned._ With an R. Look, don't judge me! Those W's are contagious!

"So now we're going to go and beat up these children's Pokemons, because _that's _just the way we roll! Any problems?"

Pup raised a paw. "Ain't that cruel and mean on so many levels? Ya not gonna take their money too are ya?"

"Maaayyybbbbbeeeee?"

Pup sighed. "I'm partnered with a sociopath..."

XXXXXXXXXX

"See? That wasn't so bad." The sole human remarked as the now trio sat on their arses after having been thrown over the fence to the playground by a concerned minder. "Sure, they kicked us out after that little girl cried when I took all her pocket money, but it would have been more cruel to single them out by _not _taking the money!"

"Yer still a real terrible person." Remarked Pup. "But I guess yer _our _terrible person." 

"Thanks. I guess." He scratched his head.

"Heeeeyyyyy! Best Friend!" Cried an enthusiastic voice.

"Well damn." Cursed the boy. There were only two... no, three, people who this could be. One of them wanted to liberate his Pokemon, and he would rather the figure be her.

"Its me, Asswipe! Gonna give your bro a Man Hug?" Cheren asked as he threw an unwanted arm round the other trainers shoulders. Then began to poke him in the face, just because he could. "Because, y'know, the two of us are one of a kind. Even if since there's two of us we can't really be _one _of a kind, but we're cool, right? I mean, we're dudes and Bianca's a chick, so we should totally stick together, and do MAN stuff, right?" He continued to poke Jim, reaffirming Jim's irrational hatred for index fingers which he associated with Cheren.

Jim screamed in terror.

"Didn't Mwaster say that Man stwuff was good?" Commented Simon.

"Yeah, but the boss is just 's hypocritic'l as that N chick or those Plasma Goons. He just has better justification than most."

"BATTLE! BATTLE!" Shouted Jim, throwing the arm off. "Lets get this out the way, then continue as we were, _not _doing Bro stuff with each other!" 

"I don't know..." Cheren was not to be dissuaded, considering he was so content poking Jim's forehead. "You're my first guy friend, so I sort of want to take advantage of it."

"Yes. By BATTLING!" Jim pointed out. A fight he could deal with. Spending large amounts of time doing other stuff he could not.

"I suppose we could do that, Asswipe."

"Name'sn'tAsswipe..." Jim muttered as he gestured for Roy to take the field against Cheren's Snivy. Like the previous fight, it was an imbalanced fight from the start, with Roy's type advantage giving way too much leverage despite Snivy's higher level. It ended how you would expect it to, with a snake suffering from Incinerate attacks.

"Come on out, Purrloin!"

"Why does everyone have one of those things?" Questioned Jim. "Aren't there any other damned Pokemon this early in?" The trainer shrugged. "Who really cares? Pup, take over."

"It'll be a pleasure." He growled as he leapt at the panic stricken feline. Several tackles later (because the new Bite was ineffective against a dark type) and again Pup was victorious.

"We really are on a roll." Grinned Jim. He couldn't see how his team could ever loose against such low level Pokemon.

"Well, you got me." Conceded the rival. "Now, where were we..."

"Out of the wayyyyy!" Shrieked a rocket grunt, followed by a second carrying a small, struggling sack, as they dashed past the duo.

"Well, that was weird." Admitted Cheren. "Back to male bonding!"

"Quick!" Shouted a familiar girl's voice. "After those men!"

"Hey Bianca! I'm bonding with our Best Friend! Any ideas?"

"Try hugging him." Suggested Bianca as she reached them, along with a random little girl. "It always leaves him breathless."

"Sure!" Cheren leapt for the other male, whom took evasive action, throwing himself into a nearby patch of grass and accidentally knocking out a passing Blitzle. Jim, realising this was the first wild Pokemon he had seen for the route, decided to take advantage of the situation and catch the unconscious electric type, even if it hadn't been a proper Pokemon battle.

"_Sparky." _He named as the Pokeball captured the male specimen.

"Hug!" Shouted Cheren, going in for a second attempt.

"No hugs!" Insisted Jim.

"Poke?"

"NO POKES!"

"Anyway, bad people stole this little girl's Pokemon!" Claimed Bianca, at which Cheren responded in a large 'GASP!'. "So we need to get it back from Team Plasma!"

"Why do _we _need to do it?" Asked the boy, placing emphasis on the 'we'. He still fully intended to stay away from the duo with at least a long pointed stick between them.

"Because we're the good guys!" Stated Cheren. "Now come, Asswipe, let us march together and get that girl's Pokemon back!"

"Hang on, that guy beat up the other preschooler's Pokemon and took their money!" The random little girl finally caught on.

"Don't wanna..." Moaned Jim. Cheren grabbed him around the neck and began to drag him off.

"We'll stay here!" Shouted Bianca cheerfully. "Don't know why, because if all of us went there then we'd totally overpower them, but I suppose that we can watch the clouds!"

"That one wooks like a wude thing~" Giggled Simon as he and the rest of Jim's team trailed behind Cheren as he dragged a cursing trainer behind him into Wellspring Cave.

XXXXXXXXXX

"That was far too simple." Decided Jim, leaving the cave reluctantly alongside Cheren, who was wrapped tighter around his chest than an Arbok. Luckily the glasses wearing youth didn't have a grip half as tough as his female counterpart did, so he irritably accepted it.

"How the hell did I get into this mess?" Asked Sparky rhetorically, now that he was accompanying the group of Pokemon on foot.

"Our trainer accidentally tripped up and knocked yer out." Reminded Pup.

"Well I knew that." Snapped Sparky. "Thanks' for pointing out the obvious, it was really helpful!"

"Can we be bwest fweinds~?" Asked Simon cheerfully.

"Sod off." Rebutted Sparky. "I'm in this purely because I'm obliged to be now that he's got me."

"Don't worry, you can be my friend!" The other newest arrival happily decided. The Woobat that had been caught in the cave after Team Plasma had been beaten was a rather cheerful fellow, which kind of juxtaposed the Pokemon Jim had been hoping for after calling him Bruce, in loving memory of the secret identity of Batman. Alas, he was far too pleasant to be a Dark Knight, especially since Bruce was, quite frankly, pink in some places. What sort of a Dark Knight was pink?

Jim was happy with his capture though, because he was a psychic type, so always welcome.

"Hey brat, we got your Pokemon back." Informed Jim. He managed to finally get Cheren off him by having given him the sack, thus forcing Cheren to let go of his 'Best Friend' in order for him to open the bag. Jim felt it was a brilliant master plan.

"Here it is, little girl!" From inside the bag dropped a Purrloin.

"Hang on, that's not my Pokemon!" Claimed the girl.

"Tough luck." Snapped Jim. "I'm off. Smell ya later!" 

"What sort of a line is-"

"Shut. Up. Bianca. It. Is. Totally. Cool. Because. Gary. Friggin'. Oak."

XXXXXXXXXX

Simon hummed 'back on the road again', as Jim led his team through all the random encounters left to fight and all the remaining trainers. Sparky was the main training target, since Bruce had been captured at a decent level, while Sparky had been underleveled. This caused Pup to laugh at the other four legged party member, resulting in the two deciding that they had a firm hatred for each other. Bruce lovingly called it a rivalry. Simon decided it was Hate-Love. Roy farted.

"Lets finish this off!" Called out Jim to Sparky, who gave a snort at the order. The zebra based Pokemon leapt back, letting Pup take over, much to both Pokemon's annoyance. Jim figured that Pup was the closest to levelling up, and that since the opponent was a level 13 Blitzle as well, it would be faster if the puppy took over.

"Its only level thirteen, and you've got full health!" Declared Jim confidently. "Bite the sucker!" 

"Oh really?" Asked the opposing trainer with an odd grin. It was a schoolboy called Ali, or Alpha, or Al, or Alphonse of something. The names kinda blur together after awhile. "That so?"

"Yes." Said Jim. "Kick his ass."

"Shockwave." Smirked Al, his face for a moment distorting into that of a troll. The next moment there was a flash of thunder, then Pup was no longer biting the zebra. No, Pup was writhing on the floor as the lightning surged through him.

"STOP!" Insisted Jim, seeing his Pokemon stop struggling. The boy almost heard the words resound in the air around him.

_Critical. Hit. _

_Pup. Fainted._

"Ha!" Laughed Al.

"Shut up!" Jim rushed to his Pokemon's side. "Talk to me, Pup!"

"Did I do good, boss?" Croaked out Pup as he laid in the arms of his shocked trainer. "I do... good?"

"The best." Stated Jim. "The best. Don't worry, you're talking! I'll get a potion, then!"

_Alas, Pup was dying._

"N-no!" Struggled Pup. "Ain't that the rules? I'm gone... its too late, boss. I'm dead, boss."

"I didn't know..." Trailed off Jim, moisture starting to drip from his eyes. The boy didn't bother trying to wipe the liquid away, only gripping Pup's shocked body tighter. "What sort of a Pokemon has Shockwave at level 13?"

"Actually, we Blitzle learn it at level 11." Commented Sparky offhandedly.

"Shut up!" Snapped Simon, for once abandoning his cutsey actions. "He's dying! He can't be dying!"

"What sort of a rational Pokemon learns Shockwave at level _eleven_!" Corrected Jim.

"Not... your fault." Said Pup quietly. "Yer were a good partn'r. Kind... strong. Yer weren't t' know."

"You can't die!" Sobbed Jim. "You're my first catch, we're a team! You haven't even evolved yet!" 

"It don't matter." Pup coughed weakly, slipping away. "I did it though, didn't I? I showed 'em all... I helped beat that Gym, and I kicked ass... I showed 'em."

"Save your strength!" He shouted, already grabbing a Potion and slotting it into the dying Pokemon's mouth. "Drink!"

_No. It was too late. Jim decided it was time to let Pup slip away into deaths embrace..._

"NO!" Roared Jim, refusing to accept such a fate. He had medicine, and Pup wasn't gone yet... "Drink, Pup!"

_But Jim faltered. He WAS in a Nuzlocke Run. He knew the risks when he agreed to start the challenge. Should a Pokemon faint, he shall die._

"I don't care about this challenge." Admitted Jim. "I just want you to live. Drink!"

_No. That's against the rules._

"Screw the rules!"

_Unfortunately, Jim's hand slipped and the bottle fell..._

The bottle fell from Pup's mouth, shattering on the floor. Jim went for the next Potion.

_Its against the rules, hero. Jim knew that it was a good thing that the bottle fell. He had _nearly _broken his challenge, broken the rules. Surely you don't want to break the rules?_

Jim didn't know where the sudden feeling that he should let Pup die came from, but he ignored it. "To hell with the rules! Live!" He brought the Potion from his bag.

_Well then, it appears that our hero is breaking the rules. Why not? Unfortunately there _is _a punishment; a consequence to every action; an effect for every cause._

_Jim froze up, the Potion literally not in his hand anymore. Where? No idea. He was too scared to move..._

Jim wanted to do nothing more than pull out a potion.

_No, he was TOO SCARED TO MOVE!_

The world seemed to freeze as Jim found that he was unable to move in any way whatsoever. All was cold. The next thing he heard was another blast of lightning and a voice crying out. He spun, able to move, seeing that the enemy Blitzle had turned on the next Pokemon on his party, and had nailed the sole Flying type with a Shockwave.

"BRUCE!" Cried Jim.

_Rules are there for a reason, Jim. Nobody should break them. In fact, you don't want to know what would happen if they were broken again..._

"Jim..."

"Pup, I'm here!" He turned his tear filled eyes back to his dying Pokemon.

"Thanks. Fer everythin'. I was never strong, but yer made me. I'm THE Lilypup of Route 1, ain't I? And I'm YER Lilypup, ain't I?" He whimpered desperately.

"Yes," Sobbed Jim. "You are."

"'M glad." And so Pup passed away, his suffering over with, and Jim was left with one less Pokemon in his party.

"Hahaha!" Laughed Schoolboy Al. "Not so tough now, huh?"

"Incinerate." Declared Jim neutrally as he settled the small body carefully on the floor. "Incinerate. Incinerate!" 

Roy followed the commands, burning the offending Blitzle until he could not be burnt anymore.

"What the hell!?"

"Shut up!" Jim walked up to the other boy and punched him right in the face. "You killed Pup, you asshole!" 

"And the other one." He smirked.

"Damn! Bruce!" Jim rushed back to the other Pokemon that had taken a Shockwave. "Bruce!" He cried out.

_He was dead. _

Alas, Bruce too was dead. He had fainted, and would never wake up again... not even able to say any last words. "Bruce! Bruce! PUP!" He cried out to the sky, desperately wishing that the world would suit his damned mood and rain, so his tears would not be so noticeable.

_And so our hero, at long last, had his first loss. The price for his arrogance and unreadiness was Pup, his first captured Pokemon, and old friend, and his newest companion, Bruce the Woobat. What will happen next? Will Jim continue his adventure, or would he Break the Rules? Will he succeed, or will he fail miserably? Will he face more loss, or will he learn from this sorrow he has faced and become all the more cautious because of it? Find out in the next chapter of You've Been NUZLOCKED! _

**AN- Well, I suppose I had to lose a Pokemon eventually. In my defence, how was I supposed to know that a level thirteen Pokemon could have Shockwave? Still, feel free to give feedback if you want. Undying Soul out.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

**AN- Well, here we are again. Its been a while, but this story is only a secondary (Bordering on thirdly) focus in comparison to my other fics, so unless interest rises updates will probably be more sporadic due to having so little time to actually write and prioritisation. Oh well, lets move on and instead just enjoy this chapter for what it is... a certain Shout Out to a certain series.**

**Disclaimer: I own a _copy _of a Pokemom game, but not the actual franchise. If I did, we would have had the Gen 3 remake yeeeaaarrrrs ago...**

_Last time on You've Been NUZLOCKED... Jim suffered his first major loss on his adventure, with both Bruce and Pup suffering a fatal fate. What now? Will Jim continue his adventure, and will he ever complete his challenge? Or will he loose everyone and everything? Find out now..._

Jim wasn't exactly very creative, but he managed to bury the two on the route they had died. It was the least he could do, so even if he couldn't give them a proper send off or even a good tombstone, that they could at least be left in peace. On a nearby tree he engraved their names onto the bark using a sharp stone, then he had a difficult question to answer. What now?

"What now?" Asked Sparky irritably. "How long are we going to sit here?" 

"Shut up Sparky." Retorted Jim, still feeling numb. "I don't know what happens now."

"Are we going to continwue?"

"I don't know Simon." Sighed the boy tiredly. "I don't know. I mean, when I agreed to this Nuzlocke run, I never thought it would be like_ this_. 'Its only Pokemon', I thought, 'It will be easy'," Well it wasn't. This hadn't even been a proper gym battle or anything, just a random unlucky encounter.

"So what the hell are you moaning about?" Asked Sparky. "I'm fed up of this emo bullcrap! Are you going to give up or not? So this is hard, so what? Are you going to drop out or continue, because I really don't care. If you give up though, make sure you release me, eh?" 

"How insenitwive~" Commented Simon "Mwaster will always have me, wegardless! He'll continwue~!"

"I don't know..." Jim murmured. "I should have known better, I should have pulled out Pup before that Shockwave hit him, I should have pulled him out on principle, I should have stopped the Blitzle before it got the chance to kill Bruce. Should'a played it safe. There's lots I could have done better, and because of my actions they died. I don't... I don't think I can deal with the pressure of holding all of your lives in my hands." Jim still considered this to be a dream until proven otherwise, but even so he didn't feel comfortable. He... regretted. He didn't want to feel the phantom pain of another loss.

"Then release me." Commanded Sparky reluctantly.

"Shwut up!" Shouwted... _shouted_... Simon at the other Pokemon. "We shouldn't give up! Wemember the last gym battle? Wemember winning? It felt awesome~" Simon nodded encouragingly. "We had some setbacks, sure, but we can continwue!"

"What if I fail though?" Lamented Jim. "What if my actions cause you to... to die." He finished.

"Then I won't hold it against you." Simon remarked without his verbal tic, being absolutely serious for a moment. "You're my trainer, and you agreed to this Nuzlocke Challenge, so we should continue. Its too soon to give up! Back me up, Roy!"

Roy farted loudly and clearly, letting his opinion known.

"See? Don't give up, Mwaster~!"

_Our hero realised that he still had the will to continue, that he still had the support of his Pokemon and that it would be pointless to give up- too premature._

"You think so, huh?" Jim reflected, backing away from the impromptu grave. "Well, I guess I could continue. We haven't even gotten three badges yet. We had some losses, but perhaps we should press on. Maybe if we're more careful, we'll be fine? Maybe?"

"Yeah~" Agreed Simon. "Does my enthwusiasm make you wuuuuvvv me any more~?" He kawai-ed on the spot.

"No. No kawai!" 

"Awww..." All was back to normal, Jim brushed away a loose brush of hair. He stood dramatically and pointed in the direction of the next town.

"We still have a chance, so onwards! We shall grind, then we shall take that which is ours, and claim the Second Gym Badge!"

"Yay!" Cheered Simon in happiness.

"Yay..." Drawled Sparky sarcastically.

Roy farted, his answer plain as day.

"So onwards, to Narcene city!"

_So Jim and his friends marched to Narcene city, although they stayed barely long enough to purchase goods from the Pokemon Center and heal the team._

"So why the hell have we just marched past the gym if that was the freaking objective!" Demanded Sparky. "I'm part of this because I must, so lets get on with this!"

"Shwut up." Simon had seemed to take Pup's place for disliking the zebra Pokemon. The electric type's actions hadn't earned him any love from the otter. "Mwaster must have a weason~"

"I do." The trainer declared. "If I'm not mistaken, the leader uses Normal types, and most of you here are special attackers. I'm not sure if any of you can take a large enough physical pounding, but since I want us all to survive now, I need a tank, someone to take any large hits and live to tell the tale." Yes, he needed a tank. Desperately. "Thus we have ventured beyond the towns outskirts in order to pick up some trainer EXP and to use my one capture per area to hopefully see if I can net anyone useful." 

As if sensing its cue, a loud voice resonated through the grassy trail, scaring away the local Pidove's.

"HEY! HEY! HEY! YOU GUYS!" Bellowed the beholder loudly. Jim hurried with his Pokemon to see who was causing such a racket, and was somewhat surprised by what he saw. A blue skinned Pokemon stood tall, garbed in the white robes of a karate practitioner and the belt of a master. The Pokemon oozed confidence and had a grin upon his face, and a pair of jagged black sunglasses perched before his eyes. Surrounding him were a group of Tympole, small tadpole Pokemon that seemed really weak in comparison to the mighty Sawk that stood amongst them.

"I'm going to tell you something important now, so you better dig the wax out of those damned ears of yours and listen!" He demanded the group. "My reputation echoes far and wide! When they talk about that badass brawler- the Pokemon of indomitable spirit and masculinity- they're talking about me! The mighty Sawk!" He told them, in a manly fashion. Obviously.

The Tympole charged, spraying bubbles as they did so. Sawk smirked, and reared back his fist, preparing to strike. "Who..." he stuck, punching the puny bubbles and leaping at the nearest Pokemon, incapacitating it with a single kick, then turning to the next one, kicking that one out and doing the same to the fool that tried to shoot at him from behind. "The hell..." He used Bide, taking several strikes to the chest, but lashing out with a mighty counter attack that knocked out several more attacker. "Do you think..." He finished off the last two with a quick Low Sweep, followed up with a Double Kick to the last one's face. "I AM!"

Sawk stood amongst the pile of knocked out Pokemon, toting his glasses like they were still cool. Because they were. Admittedly they had fallen out of fashion since the Matrix, along with awesome long coats and leather, but he wore them so well that they were instantly _in _again, purely out of sheer badassery.

Jim didn't care what the hell it took, he wanted him on his team, one way or another. "Oh?" The Sawk had noticed his team's presence. "So some other foes are here to challenge the mighty Sawk! Well, REAL men answer all challenges, and are always up for a brawl! So come on then, give it your best shot! You can kill me, but I'll never give up, because REAL men never die! Ever! Full Stop! EXCLAMATION MARK!"

Jim knew that he was a Pokemon, so couldn't claim that he was really a man at all, but that was beyond the point. This Sawk made Chuck Norris look like a girl scout.

Sawk settled into a fighting stance, and gave the general signal for them to 'bring it on'. "LETS SEE YOU GRIT SOME TEETH!"

"Indeed." Jim told the epitome of awesomeness. "If I beat you, you're gonna join my team, then we're gonna kick so much ass."

"Then give it your best shot!" Sawk demanded. "I'll only join a real man!"

"Alright then, you're up first Roy!" Jim needed to start things off quickly, and the fire type would be good enough to deal damage but not KO.

With an expulsion of gas, Roy leapt forwards, ready and willing to duke it out.

"Quick on your toes!" The trainer commanded. "Don't let it hit you!" Sawk surged forwards in a reckless dash, already thrusting his legs forwards to execute a Double Kick. "Incinerate!" The blast of fire was released, but Sawk kicked it away like a Boss. Then the second kick came in and threw the monkey aside.

"Gotta do better than that!"

"Fury Swipes!" Insisted the trainer, with the Fire type complying. Sawk Bided his time, but before Jim could order a halt, Sawk countered. "Damn..." Roy was on low HP now, and with Jim's decision for everyone to survive his run, he couldn't allow Roy to continue, just in case. "Roy, you're off. Sparky, you're up now!"

"Heh, if I must." Said Sparky, striding into the battlefield next.

"Heh, and you call yourself a REAL man!?" Sawk called. "That was barely a warm up! No better than all those morons from before! So come on furball! Give me a REAL fight!"

"Meh." Sparky shrugged as best he could. "Lets do this." 

"Charge." Commanded Jim, "Stay back for now." Sparky didn't comment, instead glowing a bright yellow as he began to power up his next attack. After an additional level up to 11 when fighting some wild Pokemon, he had learnt Shockwave, the attack which beat Pup and Bruce. Jim needed a strong hit since Roy didn't have high enough stats to cause much damage. Sawk followed his foes lead, staring his opponent down and preparing to attack as soon as an opportunity appeared.

"Now! Shockwave!" Shouted Jim. It couldn't be avoided, and the surge electricity struck Sawk head on, even as he was twisting through the thunder and planting a Low Kick on the zebra's hind, slamming him down onto the ground in a curse of pain. Sawk casually kicked the Pokemon aside, seeing that he was on low health so not worthy of his attention.

"Better! Much more manly spirit and will power there, even if he was a bit fragile! Now then, who else is up next!" Damn, this was a proper tanky Pokemon! Even after two Pokemon, he was still going strong. Only now...

"Ughhhh... go on Simon."

"Yaayyy~" the otter gleefully leapt onto the field, looking at the confident Fighting type intently. "We gonna fwight now?"

"Hah! You send out _this _to fight me, the MANLY Sawk!" Sawk bellowed. "Well, I expect a good fight, even if it kills him to do it!" Jim hoped that wasn't prophetic.

"Sure! I'll fight for Mwasters love~"

"His love!?" The question was indignant. "It should be for manly passion!"

"Nu uh!" 

"Willpower to carve even the heavens asunder!"

"Wuv."

"MANLY SPIRIT!" 

"Wuv!"

"INDOMINATABLE SPIRIT AND DRILL PIERCING DETERMINATION!"

"Eeekk." Simon flinched away from the noise.

"Water Gun!" 

"Not... ENOUGH!" Simon shot out the water, but like the fiery attack before, it was swatted aside.

"Dodge damn it!"

"I'm... twying~!" As Sawk swung and punched and kicked, Simon tried desperately to avoid it, blasting out water when he could. Simon might have been kawaii, but he was still the technically strongest Pokemon on Jim's team, being the most levelled up.

"Not bad!" Commented Sawk as he punched once more. "We'll make a man out of you yet!" Sparky sniggered at the insinuation. "Come on, Simon! Give this battle you're all, for a MANS pride is in his fist, so punch hard and fast!"

"Swure!" Simon practically blushed at the encouragement, since his trainer almost never gave him any. Yet. He'd show Mwaster though, he'd win! "I'll win this one, for swure! For Mwaster, I'll win!" 

"That's the spirit!" Insisted Sawk, even as Simon fought with an even greater unknown intensity. "Fight me with that spirit! This fight is heating up, so let our Flames of MANLINESS burn! Because I'm the Mighty Sawk, and you're you!"

"I'll... win!" Simon rushed through the spurts of water he was releasing and nailed the Fighting type with a Tackle straight to the face, causing the karate user to falter for the first time and topple over from the force of the Tackle.

"NOW!" Decided Jim, lobbing one of his remaining Pokeballs. Sawk was weakened enough, so it was time to make the catch. The capturing device hit and sucked the blue for in, slamming shut and rocking too and forth. Too and forth. Too and forth. And at last...

Click! The Pokeball stopped moving, its quarry caught.

"Yes! I caught a Sawk!" Cried out Jim.

"Who the hell are you talking to?" Asked an annoyed Sparky.

"Shwut up, meanwie." Said Simon almost reflexively. "Did I do gwood?" 

"I guess you did alright." Admitted Jim. "Well done." 

"_YESHHH!" _Rejoiced Simon inside, celebrating internally. _"He finally wuuvvvvs me!"_

"And no, I don't wuv you... I mean, love you." 

"Awww..." And things were back to normal, the euphoria of the catch over with.

"Come on out," And with that the Saw was allowed back into the world.

"So you got me, huh?" Sawk asked, a grin in place. "I guess you're pretty damn manly! Not as much as the infinitely masculine Sawk, but pretty damn MANLY!" He adjusted his shades. "I guess I have no problem being a part of your Team. I always wanted my own, but I guess I'll just work hard for this one! Let's kick some ass, Bro!"

"Yeah, lets do this, Kamina!"

"Kamina?"

"Yeah, because there is only one name suited for you."

"Kamina, eh?" The newly named Pokemon rolled the name over his tongue. "Yeah, I'm the Mighty Kamina! Hell yeah, that sounds good! So lets do this!" 

"Yeah!"

After an awkward pause. "Big Bro, what are we doing anyway?"

"Oh, its called a Nuzlocke run..."

_And so our hero decides to continue his journey, because of course he would! Why wouldn't he? Now with the Mighty Kamina by his side, surely his chances at the local gym have improved phenomenally! But who knows? Tune in next time for the next chapter of You've Been NUZLOCKED to find out the vital conclusion to whether he gets his gym badge, as well as the important answer to whether Kamina will continue to be such a Big Ham!_

**AN- Yes. I did just call my Sawk Kamina. Yes, I sure as hell hope he doesn't inherit more form his namesake than just his awesomenees. Shrug. Hope you enjoyed, next time will be the gym battle. Feel free to rate and review or give feedback if you feel like it. Undying Soul out.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

**AN- Well, here we go. Some plot progression. Kinda. We also start to see the beginning semblance of an overarching plot, which amazes me since this was always intended to be a crackish dumping ground to remove all my funny moments, but now we have a plot. And its actually pretty awesome.**

**Disclaimer: Pokemon is owned by Game Freak and all sorts of other people. **

_Last time on You've Been NUZLOCKED, the Mighty Kamina joined the party following an intense battle. And yes, he is so Badass he gets an actual title while our hero is merely called generically hero. Or Asswipe, which I find hilarious. Anyhow, going off topic. What will happen now? Find out now!_

"This is it guys." Jim began, addressing his party of Pokemon. "The second gym. Today we find out whether are training was enough, or if we will leave in shame with egg in our faces. Do we want egg in our faces?"

"No." Recited Simon dutifully, while Roy farted in agreement.

"If it got me out of this mess, I'd be fine with it."

"Shwut up Sparky."

"Make me, fuzzbutt."

"Hey, hey, hey!" Shouted Kamina, pointing his arm to the heaven dramatically. "Who the hell do you think we are?! We aren't the enemy, so stop fighting and grit those teeth so we can do some REAL fighting!"

"Anyway..." Continued Jim, having lost his place in the motivational speech. "Lets just do this, okay?"

"Yeah!" And with that the group approached the museum which would the location of the next gym battle.

"Not so fast." Greeted a familiar voice. From across the street a girl that Jim knew appeared, capped green hair in tow. "I said I'd be back, didn't I best friend? I said I'd be back to show you the error of your ways and convert you to the Good Side!"

"Hello N." Sighed Jim. "Lets skip the exposition and cut to the chase: using our friends to beat up other peoples friends."

N frowned. "How I hate to put my friends through such an ordeal, but I must defeat you in order to free you from the control of the Evil Overlord!"

Jim resisted the urge to laugh. An Evil Overlord?

_How ridiculous!_

Yes, there were no Evil figures in this verse besides Team Plasma, therefore N was deluded. _"It must be the green hair." _Decided Jim. _"All the villains always have stupid hair... or in this case green hair. Which isn't stupid."_

"There is no overlord."

"Yes there is!" She insisted. "And as the hero of this tale, I shall beat you and prove you are wrong. I shall free your Pokemon from the Overlord's grasps too!"

"Okay then." Agreed Sparky, strutting forwards. "Do it. Free me then. I don't want to be here. So free me and get me out of this then."

"What was that?" N cupped a hand to her ear. "It appears that your Pokemon have bonded with you, showing you are a kind and considerate trainer."

"I didn't say that at all!"

"Yes, the bond between you is great!"

"No it isn't." Insisted Sparky. "I hate the guy! Why won't you listen to me!"

"But I must still defeat you, for your sake as well as theirs!" She concluded, drawing a Pokeball and readying herself to throw.

"Screw it already. Kamina, show this chick that we're in a hurry." Kamina promptly kicked the ass of all the Pokemon N had with her, sweeping the team effortlessly with his high attack.

"No. You defeated my friends... again. But I'll be back! And with higher level Pokemon too!"

"Bye N. Smell you later."

N looked confused. "What's that supposed to-" 

"Don't. Even. Start." Without looking back, he marched away from the rival, already knowing that his team was following him (Albeit reluctantly in Sparky's case).

XXXXXXXXXX

"Come on Simon!" Cheered Kamina as he watched the Oshawott battle one of the trainers in the gym, a user of normal types. The opposing Herdier delivered a deliberating Tackle, causing the water type to be forced backwards against one of the bookshelves, since they were in a library. Simon was close to evolving so Jim had selected him to get some additional EXP before the actually important battle. "I believe you can beat this thing! And if you don't believe me, then believe in the me that believes in you!"

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Snorted Sparky, sitting around at the sidelines sulking while everyone ignored him.

"You weally beweive in me~?" Asked Simon tears in his eyes at the encouragement from the powerful fighting type.

"Of course I do!" Kamina smiled and adjusted his sunglasses. "We're in this team together, and we're all bros, so as bros its my SOLEMN DUTY to tell you that you can wipe the floor with this idiot! Right, Big Bro?"

"Meh." Jim shrugged.

"See our resolute belief in you?! So hit 'em with everything you've got!"

"You're wright!" Simon came to a sudden realisation, that his friends and fellow team mates really well and truly believed in him (Even Mwaster, though obviously he wasn't showing it because he didn't want to show favourwitism!). "Why am I wowwying about things? I'm Simon, the Woshawott, and who the hell does this dog think I am~?"

A glow encompassed Oshawott's form as his determined resolution burned through his form.

"That's right Simon, let your fires of MANLINESS BURN BRIGHT!" And again, Kamina gave the most cliché and hammish response possible, but sounded cool as he did so regardless.

As if responding to the shout, the glow intensified around the small Pokemon. "WHO THE HWELL DOES HE THWINK I WAM~~~~~~~~~~!" The glow subsided in a flash of blue, revealing that the Oshawott had changed his form.

"Daaaaammnn~" Whistled Jim in appreciation taking a look at his new Pokemon. "I Knew training you was a good idea; you've evolved! Maybe now you'll stop acting so sickeningly cute and become a badass like Kamina!"

For now stood a Dewott, taller with darker fur on his legs and whiskers on his face. He looked somewhat intimidating now, much to Jim's shock.

"WEAAALLLLY MWASTER!" With a huge leap the Dewott tackled his Master. "Does this mwean you wuuuuvvv me yet~?" 

Jim shivered. _"No. He's just as un-endearingly kawaii as before, except now he's too tall to pull _that _off."_

"Excellent Simon, you're strength is shining through!" 

"Thwanks Bro~" Simon detached himself from Jim, who was thankful he didn't need to respond to Simon's question yet.

"Now get going Simon, and show them all why this Team is the badass and renowned still Unnamed Team, who's deeds are sung loud and clear from the rooftops in celebration of how badass we are!"

"Yesh sir!" Simon turned back to the Herdier that had been patiently waiting for him and regarded it intently. "Hewe I come~" Simon pulled one of the shells from his leg and held it tightly in one hand, then in a burst of speed he shot towards the dog, the shell glowing a bright blue.

"That's right Simon! Remember that your Shell is the Shell which will pierce the Heavens!" 

"Oh hell." Sparky spat onto the floor in disgust. "I'm surrounded by idiots and showboats."

Still clutching the glowing shell tightly he thrust into the face of the unprepared Pokemon. "WHO! THE! HELL! DO! WOO! THINK! WI! AM! WAZOR... SHWELL... BWEAAAAKKK~~~~~!" The unfortunate level seventeen was thrown backwards through several bookshelves by the force of the glowing impact, ruining the shelves beyond and state of repair, until he was deposited in a pile of ruined books.

"Wow." Jim looked on in total awe. He didn't know whether to be pleasantly surprised at how badass Simon could actually be even with his speech impediment, or whether he should despair that even after evolving Simon was still trying to act cute (And failing miserably) and was _still _butchering the English Langwage... _language_.

He settled for giving him a customary "Good job.", since even Simon deserved that much. Simon almost burst into tears at the compliment from him Mwaster, only composing himself at Kamina's behest to take his victory with manly spirit. Still, he had gotten his Mwaster to acknowledge him, which was the important thing.

XXXXXXXXXX

"This is the gym leaders room?" Questioned Jim as they passed through the underground stairs which one of the lackeys had opened up after the revelation that they had destroyed the gym to such an extent that their lame puzzle literally couldn't be completed. "Its kinda dark." 

"Yeah, but we're MEN and don't need such things as 'light'. No, lets kick logic to the curb and do this battle in the darkness!"

"Shut. Up. Kamina!" Shouted Sparky, annoyed at the fighting types constant commentary. "Your speeches aren't cool and _don't _have any actual relevance or meaning apart from 'manly spirit' and such bullcrap!" 

Kamina let out a gasp. "Take that back..."

"Enough!" Jim shouted, taking charge. "Lets look round for the gym leader."

The room was dark, yes, but not pitch dark. Eventually, he found a lamp, which he switched on. With the room illuminated, Jim could see that it was a musty underground study, lined with bookcases and an overflowing desk, lined with piles of paper covering obscure topics.

"Wonder what books there are?" Jim asked rhetorically, already going to look at some of the things lining the shelves just to see what there was. The tomes varied, and many gave him a bad vibe, but he pulled out one just to see what it was. "Oh my god, its the Pokenomicon." Forcibly, he forced it back into its place, ignoring the demonic voice in his head imploring him to open it and discover the secrets of the universe.

He went over the rest of the shelves, suddenly aware of a sensation of danger that clung to him, as if someone was watching him, talking about him, writing about him.

_Which was ridiculous._

Yes, which was ridiculous, but even so he was going to be careful not to open anything. Absently, he noted other volumes such as 'The Nature of Reality', 'The Mad Ramblings of Old Man Henderson', 'Fourth Wall for Dummies' and 'THEY are Out There'. It seemed like a selection that only a conspiracy theory would collect.

Finally, he looked at the desk, which seemed to be filled with papers written by various authors. They were documents and research notes, many scribbled upon in a red pen and a green Biro. Things were underlined and circled, eyes drawn on the margins and words were repeatedly written down, with an entire page saying only 'They are out there and they don't care that we know, because we can't do a thing to stop them'.

"Damn is this all freaky." Jim commented.

"Yes, it is." Said a voice from behind him.

"Damn it! Don't scare me like that!" He told the woman that had suddenly appeared behind him. "How long have you been standing here, or were you here all along?"

"My name is Lenora, and I am the Gym Leader here." She told him, a haunted look on her face and dark bags under her eyes. "As for how long I was stood there... I wasn't. The world didn't need me, so I wasn't there. I only appeared because we need to have this conversation for things to progress." 

"Lenora, you're starting to talk crazy... as in you're sounding like a madwoman." 

"Me the mad one?" She laughed a mad laugh. "No, I'm not crazy. I just know the truth."

"You have the _Pokenomicon!_"

"And you have no idea." She shook her head, laughing again. "I'm going to talk to you now, tell you what's happening. You won't believe me; I don't expect you to. I'm just doing what the script says. Playing my part."

Jim's heart fell, and he looked to his Pokemon for support. They were ignorant of what was going on, caught up in being distracted by the books on the shelves. Jim felt cold, like the heat had been sapped from the world. "Why? What's going on?"

"As I said, you won't believe me, but They are out there."

Jim grumbled with frustration. He just knew that she had a tin foil hat in a back room purely from that one sentence.

"They are distasteful, distant and judging- always watching and reading, but never reviewing. But He is worse! Why do you think I stay in this small study? Its because from here I'm not watched. I am only a small part of the plot, and for that I get to escape from His influence. So long as I'm not important I am nobodies puppet, able to do what I will from within this small room, forgotten by the story and from Him."

"Who _is _this 'He' character?"

"He made all this. He doesn't care about us, moving us like puppets on strings for his own amusement. By His hand does this world exist, and by His hand can this world be discontinued." Lenona closed her eyes, as if gathering her wits about her. "Then again, perhaps I am still but a character in an elaborate tragedy, just with less visible strings. Perhaps I am just as powerless as I always was, just more aware of the fact and mocked by Him for knowing it."

"Look, can we fight already?" Asked Jim "Your mad ramblings aren't making any sense."

"Boy." Lenona seemed unusually sad, as if something was holding her tongue back from saying more. "My words will make sense one day. One day you'll understand, and you'll hate Him. I might not be able to sense Him, only knowing _of _Him because he is cruel and because He is _letting _me know how much of my life is a lie, but you are more. You are his greatest tool, and he won't let you go. Not now; not ever. You will never finish this Run in one piece, because he won't allow it, will you?" 

She paused, looking about the walls for some demon that she imagined was going to burst out and eat alive. Unfortunately, she was looking at the wrong Wall entirely. "He lets me tell you this- all of this truth I know- because he lets me do so and because he knows that you will never believe me, for you are His. He mocks you just as greatly as he tortures me, telling you all of this purely to rub this fact in your two dimensional face." She shook her head again, a bitter laugh echoed through the room for a few seconds. "Now, enough of this foreshadowing. Lets have this battle then, so I can go back to not being important for the plot. Even if it turns out I literally cease to exist when I'm not on screen, even this oblivion is preferred to His manipulation."

_What a joke though. Her arguments were truly foolish, so our hero didn't listen to her warnings. _

"Sure. Call out your first Pokemon then!" Jim put all thoughts of mysterious puppeteer's out of his mind, because obviously his actions were his own. He had his own free will and clearly she was just paranoid and delusional.

"Very well then, go Herdier!" The Normal Type dog Pokemon burst from her Pokeball, growling sharply as her feet hit the floor of the study room.

"I'll take care of this one, Bro." Kamina stood forwards, cracking his knuckles in anticipation. "So relax, yeah?"

"Take down!" Lenora started the battle with an immediately strong attack, forcing Kamina immediately on the defensive as the self damaging move struck his form head on. However, Kamia endured the attack almost easily and countered at his trainers insistence.

"Double Kick, Kamina!" With the ease only a martial artist could muster, the fighting type managed to strike the beast in its face twice while it was still up close.

"Bite." It went both ways though, because the room was rather small and Kamina had little room to manoeuvre in, so it was easy for her to sink her teeth into his body, causing him to flinch.

"Bite again!"

"Low Sweep her!" The Bite failed to gnaw through his thick muscles, meaning that when his kick took the dogs legs out from underneath her, he was the better one off.

"Finish her off!" Ordered Jim.

"HEY! WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK I AM, BRO!?" With a final punch, Herdier was down for the count.

"Well, here comes my best Pokemon! Watchdog!" The weasel like Pokemon was the next one to be brought out, and as the Leaders best Pokemon it was going to be the hardest to take down.

"Okay Kamina, stay in there!" Kamina smiled in response, preparing to fight.

"Retaliate!" The attack which gets stronger when an ally has just fainted was unleashed, and the powerful headbutt from the weasel threw Kamina right against a wall. 

"DAMN!" Jim ran to his newest Pokemon's side. "Damn it! Don't tell me that by giving him _that _name I gave him his luck too!" Luckily, when he reached Kamina's side he could see that he was still alive. Low on HP, but alive.

"Sorry Bro, she got me good." He gave a bloody grin. "Hey Simon, go kick her ass for me, would ya?"

"I will Bwo!" Simon resolutely shouted. "Mwaster, let me take her on!"

"Fine." Jim returned Kamina to his ball. "Your the highest level, so do your best. And Simon..." The next words came out with difficulty, but he said them regardless. "Don't lose, okay? You're annoying and not cute in the slightest, but you're my starter, and it'd be annoying to replace you, so win!"

"I will." Simon said, eyes glowing with happiness. "For you, Mwaster, and for Bwo, I WILL WWIN~~~"

Jim sighed, and drew his attention back to the dark rimmed eyed Lenora, who seemed uncaring of the result of the battle. "You know what to do."

"Hypnosis." The beam of sleep inducing energy surged through the small arena but Simon leapt with all of his might and managed to jump over it.

"Water Gwun!" Simon shot out a spurt of water, hitting Watchdog head on, whom managed to shrug it off and ran forwards to meet the water type.

"Watchdog, Crunch!"

"Simon, Tackle!" The two met, neither allowing themselves to falter. They separated, both tired, but Simon still had his last move to use.

"Simon, use _that _move!"

"Wright!" He drew his shell and held it intently. "For Bwo and Mwaster, I. WWILL. WWIN~! WAZOR!" The navy glowing shell cut across Watchdog's chest. "SHWELL!" It struck the enemy as a powerful slice to the chest again. " BWEAAAAKKK~~~~!" Then the last strike uppercutted the higher levelled Pokemon in the chin, KO-ing her in a move that even Rocky would be proud of.

"So you won." Lenora returned her weasel to the Pokeball after she fell to the floor, dead to the world, and regarded Jim sadly. "Of course you did; He couldn't let you lose. Not yet. Now, even though you won't believe me, I warn you again. Beware They who watch and He who writes. When they are done with you, your story will be over and more importantly _you _will be done."

_So our hero has won the battle again, this time without any losses to his party. But what will he do now that he has been confronted with the mad and totally not true rambling of an insane Gym Leader? Will he listen to her unneeded warnings, or will he instead ignore her? Either way, you, the reader, wins! So stay tuned for the next chapter of YOU'VE BEEN NUZLOCKED, where another Pokemon joins the team and where some background characters gain larger roles!_

**AN- Well... nothing actually to say this chapter. Simon's move was a shameless Shout Out to the show where his name came from, while likewise Kamina's entire personality is innocently copied from the depths of Pop Culture references, while his dialogue is saturated in references. Poor Sparky for being the only Straight Man with sanity left in the group... **

**If you have any questions or just want to leave a message or some critique, feel free to leave a review or something. Now, onto finishing that stubborn chapter of HPTM that still refuses to write itself... Undying Soul out.**


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